I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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