I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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