Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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