So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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