Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
