Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
