there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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