my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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