The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
