it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Who died my cat blue again?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
