It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
