i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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