Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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