Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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