You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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