i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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