Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
