i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
