First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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