I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
