It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
