So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
