he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
