His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
