definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
