You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
