She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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