So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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