the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
