hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
