It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
