So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
