Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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