i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
