What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
