im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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