I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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