The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
