Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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