I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
