Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
