I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
