Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
