Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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