when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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