Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need to calm my uterus...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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