Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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