She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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