Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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