and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Less talking, more tequila
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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