My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
