youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
there is puke in my bra ... again
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
