i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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