I wish I could teleport
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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