God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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